Undone Redux

The new vet took xrays, blood and a stool sample. We should have all the results by Thursday. She's on a completely bland diet (no treats or extras) and two meds. This little thing only weighs about 31 pounds and she's lost two of them. This is one of the hardest things for me to watch. I haven't been this undone since going through a separation/divorce. I know it's probably not rational, but there you have it.

I keep telling myself that nothing can touch me that isn't first filtered through the loving hands of my God. And although I believe that, I've seen times where God let's some pretty devastating things slip on through. I'm not speaking just personally, but universally. Still, we are exhorted to believe (as the Bible says) that these things are for our good. I don't understand, can't even begin to understand pain and suffering, and really wish it weren't necessary. I want to live in the Land of Oz, where it's beautiful all the time; with a good and powerful Wizard and Good Witch to watch over and care for me and make my life pleasant. I want to coast along, exhilarated by the sun and wind pouring over me. I guess I just want to be a child.

He wants me to be a child, too, trusting in the goodness and wisdom of my Abba. I thought I was there already; I want to be ...

Lord, have mercy!!

Callie Update

Callie update: Each day, I expect her to be back to normal, but it hasn't happened. She is still eating ALOT, but obviously not absorbing nutrients well. I noticed today she has lost a little more weight. I'm still putting water on her food and that's been the only way she takes it in. Her water bowl sits untouched. Evenings, she is very gassy and looks somewhat confused at her backend when it emits these strange sounds. She is not this way, normally.

But still, she is active, alert, prancing around, wanting walks and bringing her frisbee to us to play outside with her. Normal behavior.

I have an appointment Monday with a new vet who specializes in gastro issues. I'm hoping he can pinpoint this quickly, although from everything I've read, it really does seem like giardia. It doesn't necessarily disappear with one round of antibiotics. It's difficult to treat because of the biology of the protozoa that causes it.

I.am.a.mess. If I can't get myself calmed down, I don't know what's going to happen. My family is starting to worry about me. And probably because of this stress, my scalp is acting up badly. Very uncomfortable tonight. Several kind folks at another forum I belong to have offered to pray for us ... we need it and I so much appreciate their prayers.

I went to vespers tonight. I was asked to read psalms while people were making their confessions. It was so comforting to read those words. King David had many trials in his life, experienced depression and often thought that God had abandoned him. Through his Psalms, he goes from deep despair to ecstatic praises to his God. He knew what it was to be lower than dirt and have God raise him up, dust him off and get him going again.

This verse stuck with me the rest of this evening.

Psalm 138:8
The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever—
do not abandon the works of your hands.

And, Lord, please do not abandon Callie and me!

Phun With Photoshop

Autumn Comes to the Mountain

Our gorgeous mountain!

On the Appalachian Trail

Callie & Me

Don't know what these are, but they turn purple in autumn.

Hubby (left) and the neighbor arguing over whose tractor is bigger!

Callie in the bushes

We had an absolutely gorgeous day! To divert my attention from our dog woes, we went up to the Appalachian Trail just to take some pics. I didn't want to exercise Callie much (even though she would have loved it).

Callie news: Still mush and for two days, the only liquids I could get into her were broth and popsicle. She ended up at the animal hospital tonight to get fluids for slight dehydration. If this doesn't end soon, I'm going to be completely looney. I guess we need another round of meds, since the first one did nothing much.

It's horrible when your pet gets sick!

Please Lord, have mercy!!!!!!!

A Dropped Ball Bounces

My little Callie is still making mush, but the vet doesn't seem to be too concerned, since she is acting normal in every other way. So, I'm just trying to not obsess; big job when you tend to be obsessive.


The Internet Monk has an excellent post today on the problems facing evangelicalism, as he perceives them. I tend to agree with him, having been in leadership positions in several evangelical churches. IM labels himself as post-evangelical, as does my hubby. Hubby is not interested in converting to Orthodoxy, though he does attend DL often with me. He has an appreciation for EO, though, that is growing as a direct result of the continuing slide of the evangelical church into a second-rate circus act. Which brings me to my point.

Hubby's brothers are both in fundamental churches and although they don't say a whole lot about our decision to attend the EO church, they are scratching their heads. Lately, one of them has had some very serious health problems, causing both he and his wife to question God and their faith. He had lunch yesterday with a RC who discussed with him the Catholic concept of suffering being a necessary part of our faith,something God uses for our salvation, and specifically, our suffering as actually sharing in the sufferings of Christ. In his words, he was blown away! He had not heard this before and wanted to know more. Hubby explained as much as he could and is looking for some good websites for his brother to further explore.

I am amazed that he could attend church his entire life and never hear this view of suffering. It's not exclusively RC or Orthodox, although they certainly emphasize it to a greater degree. What it does show me is that the "prosperity gospel" has crept into evangelical and fundamental churches so much so that they are preaching aspects of it, possibly without fully embracing the all the tenets. And I know from experience that if one sits under the teaching that Jesus wants us healthy, wealthy, successful, whatever ... and for whatever reason,our lives fall short of our definition of what that looks like, we end up questioning whether God truly loves us. After all, if He did, wouldn't he heal, prosper, bless, etc.? There must be something wrong with us; we don't measure up. It's not a good feeling and it does nothing to build our faith. I've known people that have walked away from God for this very reason. I'm thankful for IM and many others who tackle the subject head-on.

And I pray his brother looks a little closer at what he has heard.

Lord, have mercy!

Undone

My dog has a sick tummy. She has had diarrhea for over a week now. Vet thinks it giardia and is treating her with the antibiotic, flagyl. So far, it has decreased the number of times per day she is going, but we still have mush. She is happy, playful, and in every way, her joyful self. I've had her on a turkey/rice diet all week and she shows no appetite decrease, but I don't think she is drinking enough. She hasn't taken hardly any water, so I'm finding creative ways to get liquid into her. I've added 1/2 cup of beef broth to her rice and turkey. Tonight, I gave her very watered-down almond milk. That's a hit! We are also trying Pedialyte, but she doesn't seem to like that at all.

And I'm still on a rather strict candida diet for my scalp problems. No sugar/wheat/dairy/yeast, although I do allow myself a treat once or twice a week. I must admit, I feel better; definitely more energy. And my scalp has been a little less irritated. I'm working with a doc who specializes in systemic candida infections. He has done blood work testing for candida and molds, which I will have the results of next week. Then we will try to uncover what foods may be causing this unbalance. I really believe food intolerances/allergies are at the root. Another interesting theory put forth by several holistic practitioners describes skin problems as often being the result of an acidic unbalance in the body. In other words, too much acid. They recommend eating less acid-producing foods and more alkaline foods. So as radical as this diet seems, it is preferable to steroid use, which is what the derms gave me.

The scalp thing has been going on for well over a year, but got quite intense over the summer. I also had a huge hair loss that still is inexplicable.

So I sit here tonight slightly undone by all of this. And I feel whiny - anxious and whiny. I want my Father to just say the word, and I will be healed. After all, nothing is impossible with God.

And in the big picture, this is small potatoes.

This 'N That

Here we are, October 5, and the temps are in the 80's every day. And the forecast contains two words never heard together in an forecast in the northeast: 'October' and 'muggy'. These words just don't go together! Summer is hanging on just a little longer than usual and I love it! Wish it would stay this way til next May.

We were able to get a walk in on the Appalachian Trail tonight. As always, it was lovely. No interesting sightings this evening, though.

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A Wegman's grocery store opened here recently, and I made my first trip to shop there today. Wow! I've never spent any time in a Wegman's before, though I've stopped in for one or two items. This is an amazing store! I'm on a wheat/dairy/sugar/yeast-free diet and their selections of organic products are great. Not on a par with Trader Joe's, but not having a TJ in our area, I'm thankful for Wegman's.

I kept wondering as I wandered the aisles what a person from a third world country would think if they were to find themselves in this store. I'm sure they would be absolutely amazed at the abundance. We have so much abundance in this country, yet are we ever truly satisfied?

Psalm 103

Of David.

Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits;

who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:

The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.

He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;

he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;

the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.

But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-

with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.

Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.

Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.

Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the LORD, O my soul.