Appalachian Ambiance

Grief Does Not Equal Unbelief

2009-11-22T16:31:00.004-05:00

The universe feels unfriendly. Deer ticks are laying in wait outside our doors. Paranoid, you say? Callie was out in our backyard just yesterday and of course, had to roll in some old leaves. An hour later, I found a deer tick crawling on her bed. Fortunately, she is cream colored, her bed is cream colored and the Lord had mercy to allow me to see this nasty invader from hell before it could cause trouble. I may have to stop using my backyard until we can afford to fence it in to keep the deer out. Then we may be able to better control the tick population. But caution will still be necessary.

I feel invaded, like I'm in some sort of sci fi movie. It's not a pleasant feeling. I wish we could just sell this place and move, but we have not owned it long enough and would take quite a hit if we tried to sell at the moment. There's also some septic issues that would have to be addressed before that sign could go up.

In the meantime, I am cycling through the stages of grief, feeling gobsmacked by my heavenly Father. I remember well a line from one of Charles Stanley's sermons many years ago: "Nothing comes to us that hasn't first been filtered through the loving fingers of God." (I may have a few words out of order, but you get the gist of it.) I have trusted in that concept for so long, believing that God would protect me. Intellectually, I would tell you that I know that bad things happen to good people, that the rain falls on the just and the unjust, but I still held on to a core belief that I would be safe from anything really horrible. Now, for me that belief has been shaken; a veil has been lifted and evil has touched my life in a new way. I have survived a very unhappy childhood, a marriage to, divorce from and later, the death of an alcoholic husband, various moves around the country, surgeries to remove various bodily organs in the pre-cancerous stage and hubby's cancer. But this, this is in a whole 'nother league. I think of Satan's dialogue with God regarding Job. After stripping him of much of his possessions and family, Satan felt Job would crumble if his physical body was touched. God allowed it. Job stood the test and remained faithful to God and was restored.

But God allowed it!

It's one thing to know this mentally, but coming to know this experientially sucks. Trusting that God has allowed this thing to happen, that he has good planned for me, that this works for my salvation ... these are hard concepts to believe deep in my heart at the moment. I would not do this to my child.

I trust that in time, I will work through this crisis. Maybe then, he will restore me.

Tinnitus Affliction

2009-11-02T15:11:00.003-05:00

Tinnitus is hell and antibiotics are not the safe, harmless fixes the docs try to convince you. Every one of them has some, or sometimes many, adverse effects. It's a dilemma for me, right now. The lyme bacteria floods my system with neuro toxins that can cause tinnitus; some antibiotics do the same thing; every antibiotic I am prescribed has as a side effect, "TINNITUS."

Tinnitus is one of the most uncomfortable of all the lyme symptoms I have. My ears are so sensitive to sound that I cannot do the things that most people normally do, such as going to any public places that might be even a little noisy. That includes restaurants, stores, etc. I am hesitant to travel to visit my family and reduced to using earplugs when people are conversing in my own home! The voices cause me agitation after a very short time and I must muffle them or leave the room. The commotion of a normal, playful toddler is unbearable. I fear lyme will make me a prisoner in my own home. Maybe I should shove a pencil in my ear!

Some handicaps are portable, if you will. One may take them with oneself, finding accommodations along the way. A person with mobility issues can use a specially equipped vehicle, valet service, designated close parking, elevators, wider bathroom facilities. A diabetic has many food options, both at grocery stores and restaurants. So many aging baby boomers in the current population has made disabilities a marketable niche. But not so for the tinnitus/hearing sensitive group - we truly are a minority. There are no "quiet zones" anywhere unless one makes them himself. This is a noisy culture and getting moreso all the time; advancing technology ensures it. We are bombarded with sound and images everywhere.

I wonder, "How can this affliction benefit God at all?" I question his friendship, his fatherhood and his very love. I cannot serve him in the ways I have previously, making me feel old, useless, ready to be kicked to the curb, putting in my time til the end. I cry out day and night for his presence, his mercy, his healing. I know full well that without his blessing, my efforts to get better are useless.

And so I wait ... wait for the meds to do their thing, wait for my immune system to get back online and beat this devil, wait for God himself to show up in my life with a blood-bought healing - and in the waiting, I'll be putting on my noise-canceling headphones, praying ...

Lord, have mercy.

Lyme - A Face of Death

2009-10-19T19:57:00.005-04:00

I saw the face of death in a lyme sufferer today - skin and bones, angry red pustules and scars covered her face. An image crossed my mind ... one of an abandoned dog shivering in the cold rain, uncared for, hungry, unloved with a look of misery so deep only she could fathom. She was probably in her mid 30's, no more. Single, childless, sitting bolt upright in the chair, rocking back and forth with her arms wrapped around her. Later, back in the treatment room, she began to tell her story. There's a camaraderie amongst this group of people, hooked up to IV bags. held captive by the nurse. We feel the need to connect, we're alike. For this girl, years of misdiagnosis and improper treatment have led to her present state of seriously poor health and poverty.

Lyme is the proverbial money pit. Many docs don't accept insurance due to the constant hassles from the insurance companies. I've been told by one doc that he just can't afford to hire the staff needed to deal with insurance. So treatment is reserved for the folks that either can afford it or can get the credit to finance it. It's profitable, and I'm sure there are those who see the $$$ and want a piece of the action for themselves.

We are on our own in so many ways. Tests and treatments are inaccurate, inexact, unreliable, like shots in the dark. We sit with IV's jabbed in our arms and hope that one or two of the shots hit their target and bacteria are killed. And we tell our stories ... stories of mothers with children that have passed on lyme unknowingly through umbilical cords and breast milk, meant to sustain life, not impair it; stories of financial ruin seeking out a cure; stories of lives that have to be put on hold until they can be lived again. Fragile, hurt people - most of whom cannot even recall being bitten by this unseen enemy.

And the question continues to be asked by us all: "Why is the medical community not fighting for us? Why is there no vaccine? Why is there no legislation pending to force insurance companies to cover proper treatment? Is it because we are not a "protected minority," racially, sexually or religiously?"

Where will the answers come from?

As for this young woman, I don't know how much longer she can hold on to what appears to be a very tenuous grip on life. So while we wait, I pray for her, that God, indeed, will have mercy.

Who Wins?

2009-10-18T21:08:00.005-04:00

Too sad for words today, despite getting out to church and doing some shopping for a new comforter. I've been doing a lot of spiffing up the house: hanging pictures, icons, rearranging things. That's a good thing. But my body is reacting to all the antibiotics and I don't feel right. I took the day off from all meds and supplements to give my GI tract a break. But tomorrow I have a IV rocephin treatment, so the break won't be for long.

I want so badly to quit the abx and go a more natural route. But I'm afraid it's too soon and the ground I gained will be lost. God grant me the wisdom I so desperately need. And let my body hold up under this stress.

The homily today was about Paul having his "thorn in the flesh." Father related it to those of us suffering with chronic disease. But lyme disease is not suffering for the gospel. It is an invader straight from the pit of hell. The best I can do is try to continue to live for Christ, despite this affliction. I do believe that He will give me the grace I need to do it. All I have is this present moment and if I look much beyond that, I fall down hard.

Lord, have mercy.

He Shepherds My Day

2009-10-17T10:18:00.004-04:00

I'm a part of a few lyme forums. They have been both good and bad. The good is I've learned a ton and found I'm not alone. There are really great people out there, willing to let me vent and give me hope and a kind word. The bad is the horror stories of people that suffer for years and don't seem to get any better. The question always looms in the back of my mind, "Could I be her/him?" But for the grace of God ...

Anyway, a thread posed this question, "How do you get through your day?" Nothing exciting as far as most peoples' lives go. But for me, to be able to post the following is very exciting! It means I'm getting my life back!

My days are starting to have some orderliness to them, now that I'm feeling better. I've returned to my part-time job (only 12 hours per week but that's all I was hired for anyway). I can now do some housework. I am back to doing shopping, but only small orders each time. I am setting up sellers' accounts on Amazon and Ebay to sell books and used clothing. That's very time consuming, so it's slow going.

Twice a week, I drive an hour to my LLMD for IV rocephin treatment. The rocephin takes about an hour to go in, so three to four hours are needed for the whole event.

I try to do stretching exercises every day and walk my dog for about a mile or so. I blog and do lyme research on the internet, although the research end is tapering off - my LLMD can do it for me :) Every evening (unless I feel too crappy) I sit in my portable infrared sauna and sweat for detoxing. I talk on the phone with my children often.

At bedtime, hubby, puppy and I settle in and he reads to me for awhile - hubby, that is. That started when my eyes were too bad to read for myself, but we both enjoy it. We've gone through a few books now and have good conversations. We pray and go to sleep.

But the truth is that lyme orders my life for now. The whole day seems to be structured around eating and taking meds/supplements. That is bothersome, since some things must be taken alone, hours after eating, with food, yada, yada. You all know this drill.

God is with me, though and strengthens me for the task. I'm am walking thru the valley and He shepherds me along the way.

I wanted to write in my diary last night, but only these words were on my lips:

Praise God from whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him all creatures here below;
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts.
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
AMEN!!!

O Happy Day!

2009-10-15T17:17:00.003-04:00

Some really good news on the lyme disease front. I got my full test results faxed to me and found that I tested negative for all the horrid co-infections (bartonella, babesia, erlichia and mycoplasma). This is news worth celebrating, so I did ... 1/2 a latte and a whatchamacallit, all from the forbidden list.

If your mom made pies and took the leftover pie crust, rolled it and sprinkled it with cinnamon sugar, you know what a whatchamacallit is. My mom called them pinwheels, but the guys at the bakery here in town gave them quite a different name. Big seller, whatever name they go by, that's for sure.

This gives me more hope. Maybe some of the people that have more difficulty recovering have the added co-infections to deal with, IDK. The stories out there are so depressing. I'm starting to feel better and am praying for the healing to continue.

I've got all my bases covered - in an ecumenical way. Praying for me are methodists, presbyterians, independents, charismatics, pentecostals, catholic and orthodox. I seem to be missing jewish and lutheran, so any out there, please feel free :)

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning." James 1:17

To God be the glory!

Indian Vegetable Curry Recipe

2009-10-12T19:55:00.001-04:00

Veggie curry doesn't get any better than this! Loved it, but be warned, it does have a bite to it if you use 1/2 teaspoon of red pepper flakes.

Lessons of St. Francis IRL

2009-10-11T20:01:00.005-04:00

As posted previously, hubby and I are reading "The Lessons of St. Francis" by John Michael Talbot. His first lesson is "Simplicity." In comparison to others in our stage of life, we live rather simply. I work very part-time hours, we drive older cars, don't have expensive hobbies, etc. This past year, we dropped our cell phone plan and went with pay-as-you-go phones and have saved $$$; it was really a good move.

Today I cut back even more by dropping satellite TV and going with a very basic $8.70 plan bundled with phone and internet. We will save about $50 a month. Why do it? I just don't watch much TV any more. When I do try to find something interesting, I just keep clicking through the channels, never landing on anything for long. What a wasteland! My lyme treatments, meds and supplements are a priority now, so something has to go. Plus, I'm fed up with paying for a service that I don't use enough to justify the expense.

I'm sure I'll miss a few things, but the need to simplify our way of living is paramount. I needed the nudge ... thanks, St. Francis!

P.S. I was planning on ordering some Goth Rosary smelly stuff. Hubster just asked me if it was a need or a want! Hmmmm ... I think aromatherapy is a need, right now, don't you?

Back to Church

2009-10-11T14:14:00.003-04:00

Finally! I got to vespers last night and Divine Liturgy this morning. I have not been to the Orthodox church since the week before my lyme diagnosis, mainly because I could not ride comfortably without taking antivert first. It was good to be there amongst people I knew. Hubby and I stayed for coffee hour and had good food and conversation.

Which brings me to ... DIET! Ideally, I should be completely grain/sugar/caffeine-free. For several months, I have completely toed that line, with the exception of a few bites of ice cream once a week. But still, I have had some cravings. So today, I indulged exactly what I craved: a chocolate croissant from Panera and a cup of coffee. It was so good! And it's really hard to believe that a one-day indulgence will set me back; at least, I hope not. But once you give in to cravings, they have a way of taking over and becoming an even more demanding monster.

Must.be.diligent.

Lord, have mercy upon me, a sinner.

Untitled

2009-10-09T14:31:00.007-04:00

I loved you once
at harvest time
When the moon glowed golden
and dry, dying stalks
crunched under our feet.
But longing looks
and killer kisses
offered no warning
that you would leave
after you knew me
and I knew you.

By Caldonia Sun
copywrited 2009

Be Near Me

2009-10-09T12:27:00.002-04:00

Be near me when my light is low,
When the blood creeps, and the nerves prick
And tingle; and the heart is sick,
And all the wheels of Being slow.

Be near me when the sensuous frame
Is rack’d with pangs that conquer trust;
And Time, a maniac scattering dust,
And Life, a Fury slinging flame.

Be near me when my faith is dry,
And men the flies of latter spring,
That lay their eggs, and sting and sing
And weave their petty cells and die.

Be near me when I fade away,
To point the term of human strife,
And on the low dark verge of life
The twilight of eternal day.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

A Soul at Rest

2009-10-09T08:09:00.004-04:00

But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
Psalm 131:2

This was yesterday's scripture reading in the Book of Common Prayer. I kept thinking about it throughout the day, but it wasn't until this morning when I was quiet enough myself to sort it out.

What is the difference between a weaned and unweaned child? The weaned child no longer sucks at the breast for its very life-giving nutrition; she is feeding herself. Mother's primary role now is one of comfort, protection, love. To be quiet on mother's breast, resting against her is to experience those feelings.

I think of "the disciple whom Jesus loved", John, leaning against Jesus' breast during the last supper. A beautiful analogy ... a soul at rest with her God.

Abandon Yourself to God

2009-10-08T22:36:00.010-04:00

I struggled a bit today with silly annoyances over just about everything. I believe I was having a physical reaction to the IV treatment yesterday. Over the full course of treatment, you have times when the bacteria are dying off in large numbers, producing and flooding the bloodstream with toxins. The liver can only clear it so fast and this "die off" produces some nasty symptoms. These symptoms may be what you have experienced with lyme, or they may be new. Sometimes they are totally emotional responses that feel like a mental breakdown. The length of time varies. Mine are usually short lived, thanks be to God. But that is what I think was happening today. Normally, I would do an epsom salt bath or infrared sauna to help clear out the toxins, but I was at work and just felt miserable. And craved a cup of coffee. I haven't had any for over three months now. Soon ...

We started a new book tonight, "The Lessons of St. Francis" by John Michael Talbot. I'm looking forward to it because I love St. Francis and want to know more, and I love JMT. His music has been heaven-sent during my illness. One song particularly has brought me to a turning point ... or a breaking point ... God knows because He orchestrated it, I believe. It's a word for me for this hour. How do I know it was from God? I'll tell you.

The song is from the Simple Heart CD, "I Abandon Myself". The title comes from the first line,

"I abandon myself to your will;
do with me whatever you want.
I will only be grateful for whatever you do;
I'm prepared for anything at all."

JMT took the quote from the writings of Jean-Pierre de Caussade, who challenges us to seek God's will in the present moment. Caussade points to "all our daily activities: the tasks and duties we must perform; our encounters with other people. Each one of these is a 'sacrament' that carries the will of God for us at that moment. To live in such a state of mindfulness is to be alive to the sacred depths of our everyday experience." (Robert Ellsberg - "The Saints' Guide to Happiness.")

I've had this particular CD and book for several years. I listened to the CD quite a lot and knew the power it had to minister to me in the past. The book I started several years ago and stopped. It wasn't the right time. But you see, God brought them to my mind and used them both at this time to encourage me to abandon myself to God and let him have his way, whatever that may entail.

The image and very words running through my head from the beginning of my lyme diagnosis were, "Lean into it," as you would if you were sailing a boat on a stormy sea. Don't try to fight it; ride it out and it will pass. For this moment, lyme is my truth; one that I must acknowledge as I encounter others in that sacramental way. It's living moment to moment with God through the lyme, being "Jesus with skin on" to others, waiting for the storm to pass.

It may be more difficult than I think, but I strongly believe God is calling me to do just that. We can throw the words "abandon", or "surrender" around a lot as it pertains to God, but when you really get serious and God KNOWS you are serious, look out! Something WILL happen.

Verse to consider today: Psalm 131:2 "But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.

Good Day

2009-10-07T19:49:00.004-04:00

Today was a good day. I was able to work a few hours and then go for my seventh IV rocephin treatment. Only five more to go, then we take a break and re-evaluate. My veins will be happy for a break! I may be able to rely more on naturals then, although I will probably still be on abx for a while.

I just walked my Callie. The weather is beautiful! Cool temps and windy, blowing the leaves every which way. I love this time of the year.

I want to pass on info that I learn about lyme. It's becoming epidemic, especially in the northeast, and people are just not informed. The borreliosis bacteria that causes lyme can exist in three forms: spirochete, L form and cyst. It starts with the spirochete and when attached by antibiotics, can morph into these others forms. The cyst gets deep into tissue and can be difficult to bust. Only a few antibiotics and some natural herbals penetrate it. Few doctors are aware of this, since the info is relatively new. If someone suspects lyme, it is important to find a lyme literate MD (LLMD) for accurate testing, diagnosis and treatment. Unfortunately, many people are misdiagnosed with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, multiple sclerosis and ALS when it's really lyme.

Verse for today: "The Lord is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation." Psalm 118:14

Book Recommendations

2009-10-06T22:32:00.003-04:00

Books come to us for certain seasons of life. I wrote in a previous post about The Saints' Guide to Happiness. I cannot recommend it highly enough, especially the chapters on Suffering and Learning to Die. Meaty stuff here, folks.

The other book we just finished is When There Is No Miracle.This is a very balanced and wise treatment of that very subject. God doesn't always heal us when we ask, or at least, not in the particular way we ask. Healings can be mental, spiritual, emotional and physical. The ultimate healing is death. The author includes poignant stories of people suffering and how they triumphed.

These books are helping me to forge a path of living with lyme. My life is very different right now. Chronic disease tends to be a lonely and isolated path. People cannot understand what you are going through as most know little or nothing about the disease. You are alone, wanting to blame someone or something for your fate.

But that's a dead end. We live in a fallen world and cannot help but be touched by evil. Why God allows it is a mystery. An Orthodox priest may just answer, "For your salvation." We know God works all things together for good for them that are in Christ Jesus. He may not have sent this lyme to me, but he is certainly interested in how I will respond to having it. Will I be Christ-like, manifesting the fruit of the spirit, or will I rail and thrash about, like a bird beating its wings against the cage that confines?

Lord, have mercy upon me, a sinner.

Still Makin' Soap

2009-10-06T22:22:00.002-04:00

Hubby and I love this stuff! The recipe calls for a mixture of good oils: coconut, olive, safflower, sweet almond and jojoba. This batch was fragranced with patchouli and lavender essential oils. It's lovely. I've been giving bars to my neighbors; hope they like it.

I made it Friday and wasn't really up to par to take on any projects. But, I felt well enough to forge ahead, so I set up to do it out on my back deck. Good idea, because even though I was very careful with the lye water, I managed to bump it and spill all over the table. Hubby immediately came and hosed down the area and I washed it with a vinegar dilution. No harm done, but if this would have been in my kitchen, oh my!

Note to self: BE MORE CAREFUL!

And Now For Somthing Completely Different ... Lyme Disease!

2009-10-06T17:27:00.002-04:00

Thought I'd change the background color to reflect my new life ... as a lymie. I was diagnosed in July after being bitten by a deer tick, but the test had show I've had it longer, at least a year, but possibly around six years. I chalked up various symptoms to fibromyalgia, menopause, aging, sensory sensitivities, etc., but now realize it was lyme.

My baby girl was married on Assateague Island in 2003. I was bit with what I thought was a mosquito while there and was extremely sick on the way home with classical lyme symptoms of flu-like symptoms. I thought it was west nile virus and never gave it much thought once I recovered. But strange stuff started happening in my body, especially the nerves. I never saw a doc for it because I wasn't in pain and figured it was just part of the aging process. Even if I had seen a doc, would they have tested for lyme? There is such a controversy in the medical community over this disease that most likely, I would not. I remember saying a few things to my primary care doc and she only wanted to put me on antidepressants - the common treatment for any woman complaining of vague maladies, especially if she is over 40.

I was bitten in 2006 by a dog tick. It is now thought that any tick and possibly mosquitos and black flies, can transmit lyme bacteria, not just the deer tick. We have always spent lots of time in the woods hiking. It's a passion for me, a way to unwind and enjoy God's beautiful creation. Plus, I have a dog. So tick encounters are not all that unusual at all.

Unfortunately, the bacteria have made their way into the central nervous system and brain. It has affected my ears and eyes primarily, with eye pain and extreme hearing acuity. Miserable, am I! I am taking a gazillion vitamin supplements and herbs, oral antibiotics and IV antibiotic treatments twice a week. I am looking forward to the day when I can stop the meds and just use natural treatments, but that may be a while.

So I think I'll post more often. Maybe I can be a help to another lyme sufferer along the way.

The peace of Christ to the restless and weary out there.

Crock Pot Soap

2009-07-08T14:27:00.005-04:00

I decided to make soap! We have been buying hand-made soap for well over a year now; it is not cheap, more like a little luxury for the end of the day. So, now that I'm an official Domestic Goddess, why not make my own? Recipes abound on the internet, plus I bought (and read) a nice soap making book. Being the rather impatient person I am, I decided on the hot process method that I could cook up in the crock pot and use right away. Here it is.

I am most happy with it, and so is hubby. I used olive, coconut, jojoba, safflower and sweet almond oils. The fragrance oils are clary sage and rosemary, not because I love those smells but because those oils are good for the hair and skin. I have used this on both hair and body and it is very moisturizing, leaving my skin smooth and soft, hair full and fluffy. The recipe yielded several pounds, or eleven good sized bars.

I can't wait to do it again. I have supplies on order. This time, I'm going for the yummy smells: patchouli, lavender/rose and vanilla spice. If you know me, expect a bar some time soon!

With the Saints' Assistance

2009-06-23T12:16:00.002-04:00

I'm reading an interesting book, "The Saints Guide to Happiness" by Robert Ellsberg. Some of the saints doing the guiding are Augustine, Francis of Assisi, Teresa of Avila, Dorothy Day, Flannery O'Connor and Henri Nouwen; folks that are worth listening to.

Coming off the fast track of working outside the home requires a tectonic shift in thinking, at least for me. For so many years, my days were structured and purposeful. I may not have always held the most fascinating jobs (and there have been many!), but I knew my place and felt like a meaningful cog in the wheel of society. Now, not so much. I must find and appreciate the simple joys of homekeeping.

The word of the hour to me has been, "Be still and know that I am God." Maybe these saints will assist.

Living "Au Naturale"

2009-06-23T12:09:00.002-04:00

Now that I'm not working, I want to do some volunteer work to keep me busy ... at least until (or if) I find another job. I'm looking at several options, but one that has appealed to me for some time is fostering a retired racing greyhound. I could not undertake this if I was working, and I'm not sure Callie will be cooperative, but we are moving forward with it. The greyhound rescue adoption coordinator was to visit us today, but she is sick so the weekend will have to do. Too bad; I was really looking forward to seeing her boy - she has FIVE greyhounds! If Callie could talk, she'd be saying, "And that's the way it should be ... we don't need his kind around here!"

As part of my latest incarnation as Domestic Goddess, I am hanging my laundry out to dry. Hubby put up one line, but I need more. I sort of enjoy this, even though until I get a softening system down, the towels come in as stiff as boards. Brings back memories. When I was a kid, there was no other option. No one I knew had a dryer. Clothes were hung out in decent weather and inside during the cold or rain. We had a 'furnace room' that was nice and warm with several drying lines rather close together. My mother insisted she always got sick during the winter from standing under wet clothes whilst she was hanging them. IDK.

We have had some really lovely days here. Breezy and warm, cool enough in the night for good sleeping. I have yet to turn on the air conditioning, even though the inside temp hit 83 degrees yesterday. For some reason, it feels good this year. Maybe it's another hormone change, maybe it's just what I've gotten used to. I never really loved AC, but for at least the last ten years, I didn't want to be without it. I think when you work in AC, your body just gets used to that cooler temp and it is harder to adjust to the extremes. Maybe part of it is that I just don't want to pay for it as long as I'm not working; maybe it's just one more thing we can do without and live au naturale.

Hubs is drawing the line at chickens in the yard, though.

Home - The Movie

2009-06-14T22:29:00.002-04:00

Hubby and I went to see a movie this weekend. Our first choice was "Goodbye, Solo" but something was wrong with the projector and we ended up seeing "Home." It is an indie movie filmed locally. While it was an interesting story, it hit a little too close to my own home. Sitting there, watching and hearing the parents fighting as the young daughter listens, unseen, I was transported back to my own childhood where parental fighting was the regularly scheduled program. I felt my stomach tighten, my heart rate quicken. I really couldn't wait for the movie to end so I could get out of there, even considered leaving a time or two.

It funny how even after all these years, certain situations can still trigger such unpleasant feelings.

Lord, have mercy.

A Lovely Saturday

2009-06-13T17:08:00.006-04:00

Gorgeous day, today is. The rains have finally subsided and we have blue sky! Just took Callie out for a walk, but she gets too warm in the direct sunlight. She keeps going from bush to bush to get shade cover.

This morning we went to the downtown market for our weekly supply of meat and veggies from the Amish. It is such an interesting place. Very old, inner city, not quite clean and spiffy, booths selling everything from flowers, baked goods and old gold jewelry to shoes. There are a few outside stalls selling caftans, more jewelry and household goods. Never know what you might find here. There are stands selling all things Obama and Martin Luther King, plether furniture and lovely paintings of African-American families. One booth sells incense, native African art and sculpture, natural haircare and textiles and is run by an older African-American lady with a nose ring and dreads down below her butt. Her sweet little grandbaby is sometimes there with her.

The food is an eclectic mix, too. You can get Indian, Thai, Caribbean, Italian, Chinese, organic vegetarian, American and soul food. The barbecue is yummy, made by Amish folks and has a long line of inner city African-American folks waiting to buy it. Now where else can you see something so wholly unexpected?

I got a wonderful chicken curry spinach wrap and a blueberry iced coffee. So good!

I've got some household chores to do first, but later, we are going to the bike trail that winds through a lovely spot between two mountains, just a few miles from us.

Peaceful, pleasant times.

I Am ... A Domestic Goddess

2009-06-13T16:45:00.004-04:00

This blog is in need of some serious attention. I think I stopped blogging because initially I wanted to write about my EO conversion. But that no longer applies. After attending church for three years without my hubby, I've raised the white flag. We need to be united. From the time we first met, our mutual love for Jesus united us; it should not divide us now.

I write this for myself. I have nothing profound to say, just the happenings of my life in my little corner of the world.

And there have been a few since January. I ended up going full time with a place that offered me a job previously and although I liked the work, my body rebelled working FT hours. I have fibromyalgia and the stress of the job fueled the flare from hell. Pain and crushing fatigue were rather constant. I gave myself two months, hoping things would settle down, but it seemed that every week, some new area was affected ... a ridiculous and unnecessary way to live. So this week, I will work a few hours to help train the newbie and that's it. I'm already looking forward as to how to occupy my time. I'm signed up to do some volunteer work at the local public TV station and am considering fostering retired greyhounds.

Back to full time Domestic Goddess. Even as I write, hubby is putting up a clothesline for me out in the yard. All true DG's hang their clothes to dry, don't they? And cook everything from scratch and make all their toiletries and weave all their cloth to make all their clothes and clean every nook and cranny weekly and clip coupons and put in an organic garden and can the fruit thereof and and and

eat bonbons and watch TV! I can do that!

A New Dawn, A New Day

2009-01-15T21:18:00.007-05:00

The changes have begun, thanks be to God!

I've had several job offers and have decided on the position of Development Coordinator/Administrative Assistant for a local county arts council. It is part-time, not great money, a farther drive than I had hoped, but I am very excited about working in the arts community. This is a very active council with lots of ideas and plans.

The full-time position would have been good, too, but I would have had to really make some changes in order to handle the hours. I'd rather still be able to have a life outside of my job, so the part-time gig is much better.

Hubby and I have been attending a Methodist Church. We both feel the need to be able to commune and serve together and that seems our best choice at the moment. God has graciously given us to one another to travel through this life. We will honor that commitment before the Lord and do our best to serve Him. Oh, I'll still attend noon mass at the RC every week, but I think my time in the OCA is coming to an end.

So tonight, I sit here content and thankful ... all is well with my soul.

Listen to the incomparable Nina Simone tell it.

A New Year, A New Look

2009-01-02T09:57:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year! I'm changing the look of this blog (probably several times a week!) Maybe I'll write more :)

The holidays are over and were very nice for us. They began with an extended family party (23 people!!) Then for the next two weeks, my daughters and their families stayed off and on with us while visiting other family members in the area. My grandchildren, a 10 month old girl and 5 month old boy, kept the house busy and noisy. For that period of time, I'm very glad I was not working; it would have been hard. It was so good to have them here and I'm missing them already.

I sense change coming in my life. God usually gives me some inkling to expect something new. I look forward to whatever it may be; I believe it will be good.